Ten months ago, my best friend lost her Mother. Friday morning, she lost her Dad. And I lost another dear friend. Al was not only my best friend's father, he was my parent's best friend. And my friend. And he was the only dentist I knew from the time I started getting teeth to when he retired 6 years ago. (and I haven't found one I like nearly as much, nor will I ever.) N had left messages for me at my house and office on Friday, which is very unlike her. I called her on my drive in and as soon as she picked up the phone I knew. And I pulled off the road and cried with her. Between us, we have one parent left - my Mom. And my Mom has always been a parent to N, as hers were to me. I don't know how to deal with this - yes, he was sick. Yes, he was in palliative care. Yes, we knew he wasn't getting out, and his time was limited. But. But there was always the thought that maybe, just maybe he would get better, and come to the cottage and drive the boat while we waterskied. Regardless of the fact that I haven't waterskied since I was 20.
I had to call my Mom and tell her. She always went to palliative care on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays to have lunch with Al. She had made his favourite fruit salad for him, and I had to tell her not to go. That he wasn't going to be there, telling her he'd rather have a martini than the fruit, but since she had gone to the trouble of making it...
Not only do I not know how to deal with this, I don't WANT to deal with it. I don't want to think that of the four of them, only my Mom is here. My Dad, Marg and Al are all elsewhere, having a cocktail and telling stories like they did when we were kids. I know my Mom is hurting, but she needs to know how much we need her HERE. Right now, N needs her. I don't care how old you get, you always need them. Mom spent th weekend at my brother's place - he and his wife were away with the two younger kids, leaving my 14 year old niece at home. She asked if Nanny (my Mom) could spend the weekend with her, and Mom happily went over. It was the best thing for her, consdiering that tomorrow afternoon we have to say another good0bye.
Perspective is a wonderful thing. When I told my supervisor of what happened, and informed him that a funeral was going to be on Tuesday afternoon,he said that I would not be paid for the time if I took it off. No problem, and thank you for reinforcing my need to get out of this place.
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10 comments:
Oh Sandra, so sad. My heart goes out to you all.
I'm so sorry for your (collective "your") loss, actually, losses. I lost my dad a year + a few days ago. My mom has been in a nursing home with Alzheimers for a few years, pretty advanced (no verbal skills, no self-care abilities at all), so in a way even though she's still "with us", in some ways she isn't. I totally understand your comment about never outgrowing the need for your parents. My thoughts are with you.
I'm so sad for you all. Blessings on your family and your friend's family during this time.
I'm sorry.
It must be horrible for your mom to be the last one left.
My thoughts are with you all.
Nancy
THAT was his response??? "You won't get paid"???!!! Did he at least say, "Sorry to hear about that."???
Sandra, such sad news. I'm sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with all of you.
Susan W
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your friends.
dear Sandra,
please accept my deepest sympathy!
it is so hard when the older generation begins to leave us.
my thoughts are with you.
helga
Sorry to hear about your friend's Mom. Today is the funeral, and it will be a hard day. Your friend will appreciate your support.
A. Lurker
What a lot to handle all at once. I'm so sorry. You seem to need to work for someone with more humanity.. it's a lot at once.
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