There's a woman at my office. You know the type - fairly new, but from day one has had her lips firmly attached to the owner's butt. Wormed her way from a cubicle to an office in record time. Is the account manager for a major retail customer, and has created her "team" around her. There are now 4 people working on this account, where before there was 2 and I would help when needed. She is losing business at this retailer, but has gained a great amount from another retailer. Where her husband works in purchasing. There's a conflict of interest there, and shit is beginning to hit the proverbial fan, yet she seems to be Teflon coated. I'm a bit dumbfounded, and really want to see her hit bottom before I go.
The main reason i dislike her (other than the fact that I abhor ass-kissers), is this:
I'm sitting knitting at lunch. She comes in, exclaims "how sweet! you can knit! What are you making?"
"socks." I answer, hoping she will go away.
"oh really? and look! (as she grabs one, and holds it aloft for all to see) "IT EVEN LOOKS LIKE ONE."
"That's the idea - socks that look like giraffes wouldn't appeal quite as much." was my carefully controlled answer, as I contemplated how to get away with murder in a full lunch room with witnesses.
"You're so crafty! I'll bet you can cook too."
Now, I can cook. I can also shoot a mean game of basketball, hold my own on a golf course, skip a curling team, fix a toilet, drywall a house, lay flooring, and do pretty much anything I set my mind to. I also sew, quilt and look good in heels. And I swear the next time I'm wearing stilettos, I may accidentally puncture her tiny little instep...
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8 comments:
Seems like there's one in every office. She (and her kind) is the reason they call it work...you have to work so hard to control your impulse to strangle, kick, slap, or otherwise cause her bodily harm.
Oh, how cute, you wear stilettos...
I completely admire your self-restraint - I think I would have "socked" her...
You need to make a t-shirt with your picture behind bars & a caption that reads, "Knitting needles are lethal, not cute."
Maybe get one of Franklin's "I learned to knit in prison" t-shirts.
I recently watched a program on psychopaths/wreckers in the workplace, think it was on PBS. Enlightening! I must have worked with several over the years.
You know what you should start knitting? Risque things, like thongs and bras and whips and condom cosies. Cute? Hah!
How about a pair of panties (briefs of course) with bright red lips emblazoned on the derriere (try to match her lipstick color if possible) and then when she asks, you can say, in the sweetest voice you can muster, "honey, I'm making these especially for you!" Kill 'em with kindness...
Cheers, Barbie O. in Montreal
Watch what goes around, comes around. Don't you worry. HOW SWEET!
I hate being patronized, and for some reason it's much worse when it's a woman doing it. Grr. I'm afraid I would have said something very vulgar in a very sweet tone of voice.
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